mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
