I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
