Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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