If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
