Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
