My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There are leaves in my underwear?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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