I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
