I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
