I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
