It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
