very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
