well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
