I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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