dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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