there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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