whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
