we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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