I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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