I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
