The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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