Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
