you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
