I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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