When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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