He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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