SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
