just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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