just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
