Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
