super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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