p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I smell stomach acid.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
