She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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