a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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