Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
