she was so not down for the gang bang
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
