My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
