No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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