I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
