Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit