I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?