my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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