I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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