You just made me feel so damn special
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
