I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So much Jack, so little girl.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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