I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize