return my video game
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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