Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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