So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
