My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am available for nakedness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
