Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love having hate sex.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i've created a new STD.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
