its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
whose parrot is this?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
