Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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