so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
