If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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