No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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