She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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