honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
