so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
