no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
