i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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