Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
