but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
