last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize