I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
