I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
