I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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