Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
