i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
