Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
